Dear Me: A Letter to a Younger... Me!

Dear younger, awkward-er, self:

You don’t remember this, but Mom told the story to you today, recalling it as if it was yesterday. You were just 4 years old, at a good friend of the family’s house. Her young relatives were there, but they were older than you. They did  NOT want to play with a little four year old. You cried and cried, wanting to know why people acted this way. Mom just told you simply, that if you excluded others, it would make them cry and feel the same. 

You won't look like this forever, I promise!
You'll grow into your ears(a little!) and you'll realize
white stockings just don't work for you.

You do remember being in First Grade, with your favorite teacher, and playing outside by the old tire playground. That girl, nobody wanted her to play, but you saw the look in your teacher’s eyes and felt the thumping in your heart and knew what Jesus wanted you to do. You marched your itty-bitty-First-grade-self over to her, and asked her if she wanted to play. Your friends were a little upset, but they got over it. And you all played together.

Remember when you were eight years old and all you wanted was to help in the Sunday School class for kids with mental disabilities? Remember how your family thought you were kidding?

Well, you weren’t. And the day you turned nine Mom said she’d let you try it. But she HAD to come with you. The kids in that classroom were all older and bigger than you, but it didn’t matter; you had found your spot.

You would join the little circle, as the teacher prayed for the students, and the little boy with Autism, who couldn’t even use the toilet by himself, would put his hand on yours. You would just about cry as you thought, God, you are so in this moment.

Little did you know that God was creating a place in your heart for the people that no one has a place for. 

Little did you know that a decade later, you’d still be loving those children, and preparing yourself to teach them.

Self, I’m looking at your life, and all the events that have happened, and all I keep coming up with, is beauty. Not beauty because you’re perfect and always say the right thing and never get angry (ha, yeah right!), but because God is loving you like He always has. Because God is showing you compassion over and over and over. He’s pouring out His blessings- so many you can’t even count.

You’ll really learn about that compassion business when that preschooler cries for the Nicaragua-girls. You’ll tell this preschooler about the poverty, the no-shoes-no-toys-girls. You’ll see that four-year-old cry, deep and heavy compassion-tears, as her heart is literally broken for children in need. And it’ll break your heart. 

But don’t worry, in the broken heart, the things of self will drain out, and God will fill it, fill it up  with compassion.

You will find yourself amazed.

Please, do not ever stop believing that God is a good God, who cares for you and knows you by name. He has a plan, a job for you that no one else on this earth can do. He is all you need.

Keep serving. Keep loving. 

Keep writing.

And keep reading, you’ll discover some pretty amazing-inspiring books. (Grace For the Good Girl, One Thousand Gifts, and Cold Tangerines- just to name a few!) But more importantly, keep reading HIS Word. 

Keep learning, keep growing. Don’t ever stop. 

You’re never done growing in God.

XO,

A slightly taller, 19 year old version of YOU