I’ll just say forgive me now, because I’m sure this will get sentimental pretty quickly here. I’m just extra thankful tonight for this thing called friendship.
There is a quote I read a few years ago, which is also on my mind:
“People surrounded by facts, permitting themselves no surprises, no intuitive flashes, no great hypotheses, no risks, are locked in cells.”
So true.
When I read this, it hurts. It hurts because I do this way too many times. I surround myself with learning, with watching, with all things predictable and boring. I like knowing what is going to happen.
Controlling? You might not think I am, but sometimes I want the control so badly. And sometimes I try desperately. Then I mess up. Then I realize that God has it all in His hands.
Worry? No, He’s got this.
Still, I try to control what I can, because then it seems a bit easier to manage.
Only, it’s not. Because I end up locked in a cell. A cell of my own thoughts and fears.
Oh God, bring freedom.
It’s hard, but I’m working on it. I’m trying to open myself up to this thing called Adventure, to the crazy amazing life God has for me. I’m not going to find it by sitting on the sidelines, as cliche as that sounds. I have to just take the risk and go for it. I have to just trust that God’s plan is perfect.
And tonight, I suppose, I’m just extra thankful that these lovely people I call friends don’t let me sneak away into my cell. They pull me out, reminding me that life is beautiful and worth celebrating. They reach in, reminding me that God has given me people to walk through this life with.
Alexis: I have the most honest conversations with you. You see right through my I’m fine. You remind me that life is a beautiful thing, and it’s totally worth it. You help me not take myself too seriously. You remind me to have fun. And while it might sound like a simple thing, it truly is something I needed to learn.
Emily: I am thankful that you have so much joy, real joy. You share it with me. We talk about everything and you understand. You listen. I know we’ll laugh, but I know you will also sit with me in the silence. Though I’m awful at texting back, you do whatever you can to reach me. Seriously, that means so much.
Mallori: When did we become friends? I’m pretty sure since before either of us could talk... And even after all these years, we’ve never “fought”. We never went through that stuff. We did vacations and matching outfits and the first-sleepover-thing. Honestly though, I’m near tears right now, as I think of the loss we went through- with each other. I’m sitting here, remembering feeling such pain in my heart for you, at your Pop Pop’s funeral when we were just little girls. And I’m in tears now, as I remember the tears you shed at Uncle Rocky’s. You feel my pain. And it touched me, in a way I can’t even put into words.
Julia: We talk about it all. I feel like we’re those people who have conversations that no one else understands. I have very few memories that you’re not in. From falling off slides, to writing songs (if you can call them that), to praying, to... The list goes on. As hysterical as we get, we can also have some of the deepest conversations. I don’t know how we do it, but I’m glad. I’m glad to have someone who knows exactly what I’m trying to say. You get me.
Raveena: I would have to say that, out of all my friends, we are most similar. I will think something in my head, and then you say it. And we finish each other’s sentences. All the time. You’ll say something, deeply spiritual and perfect, and I’ll just want to cry because, in my heart, I was looking for that. On that car ride home from Sister Britt’s house, our conversation made me know I wasn’t alone. I knew, from deep inside me, that someone else felt what I felt. You know my heart.
And I have so many more. More family, friends, teachers, and people I am thankful for. There’s friends and sisters, some new and some old, who have accepted me and welcomed me. My blog could go on forever, with people who God has placed in my life, who have lifted me up and given me hope to keep moving, keep believing, keep growing.
Tonight, my heart is thankful. So thankful for this beautiful place, these beautiful people.
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