Be Still and Know

I've been MIA for a little while and I'm truly sorry.

With being in school full-time and working full-time, my 24 hours seem to go by kinda quickly.
I decided to do a toss-up between a blog post or some more homework. Then I decided to just do homework. However, the server is down temporarily, so BLOG post it is :)



Sometimes it feels like a hamster wheel. I wake up, go to work, come home, do schoolwork, eat, do schoolwork, shower, go to bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. {Psst, can I tell you a secret? I hate the hamster wheel.}

I am learning that there is a season and a reason for just about everything. Planting means growing and growing means pain.

And in the quiet moments, when it's just me and Him, I cry out with my questions and heart-aches and my longing for fullness. In that quiet moment, one little phrase came to mind:


Be still and know.


That's it. Just four little words. And they are powerful words, fairly well-known, and (I'll admit) a little frustrating. See, there's a lot of things I don't know and for some reason, I dwell on those.

It's like, we're wired that way. We see the things we don't know- and that's all we see.
But I think I'm done with that.
I want to just be still and know.

Know what?

Know that God is good. Always.
Know that God is all-knowing (try saying that ten times fast). I need not worry.
Know that God is everywhere, all at the same time, so I can focus on simply being present.
Know that God is all-powerful, so I can rely on muscles that are bigger than mine.
Know that God loves and cares for all of the people in this great big world.

Know that He has something crazy beautiful in store for me even when I can't see it. And even though I'm following Him blindfolded, I know that He is the God who sees. Sure, I'd love to see the future, but I want to see Jesus more.

Know that my God works in His own way and on His own time. I'm thankful for that because when my own plans and timetable aren't lining up quite right, He's working on something else, something better.

Know that my life will reflect His goodness...


For my story will be His story for His glory.

An Ode to Some Beautiful People

I’ll just say forgive me now, because I’m sure this will get sentimental pretty quickly here. I’m just extra thankful tonight for this thing called friendship.

There is a quote I read a few years ago, which is also on my mind:

“People surrounded by facts, permitting themselves no surprises, no intuitive flashes, no great hypotheses, no risks, are locked in cells.”

So true. 

When I read this, it hurts. It hurts because I do this way too many times. I surround myself with learning, with watching, with all things predictable and boring. I like knowing what is going to happen. 

Controlling? You might not think I am, but sometimes I want the control so badly. And sometimes I try desperately. Then I mess up. Then I realize that God has it all in His hands. 

Worry? No, He’s got this.

Still, I try to control what I can, because then it seems a bit easier to manage.

Only, it’s not. Because I end up locked in a cell. A cell of my own thoughts and fears.

Oh God, bring freedom.

It’s hard, but I’m working on it. I’m trying to open myself up to this thing called Adventure, to the crazy amazing life God has for me. I’m not going to find it by sitting on the sidelines, as cliche as that sounds. I have to just take the risk and go for it. I have to just trust that God’s plan is perfect.

And tonight, I suppose, I’m just extra thankful that these lovely people I call friends don’t let me sneak away into my cell. They pull me out, reminding me that life is beautiful and worth celebrating. They reach in, reminding me that God has given me people to walk through this life with.

Alexis: I have the most honest conversations with you. You see right through my I’m fine. You remind me that life is a beautiful thing, and it’s totally worth it. You help me not take myself too seriously. You remind me to have fun. And while it might sound like a simple thing, it truly is something I needed to learn.

Emily: I am thankful that you have so much joy, real joy. You share it with me. We talk about everything and you understand. You listen. I know we’ll laugh, but I know you will also sit with me in the silence. Though I’m awful at texting back, you do whatever you can to reach me. Seriously, that means so much.

Mallori: When did we become friends? I’m pretty sure since before either of us could talk... And even after all these years, we’ve never “fought”. We never went through that stuff. We did vacations and matching outfits and the first-sleepover-thing. Honestly though, I’m near tears right now, as I think of the loss we went through- with each other. I’m sitting here, remembering feeling such pain in my heart for you, at your Pop Pop’s funeral when we were just little girls. And I’m in tears now, as I remember the tears you shed at Uncle Rocky’s. You feel my pain. And it touched me, in a way I can’t even put into words.

Julia: We talk about it all. I feel like we’re those people who have conversations that no one else understands. I have very few memories that you’re not in. From falling off slides, to writing songs (if you can call them that), to praying, to... The list goes on. As hysterical as we get, we can also have some of the deepest conversations. I don’t know how we do it, but I’m glad. I’m glad to have someone who knows exactly what I’m trying to say. You get me.

Raveena: I would have to say that, out of all my friends, we are most similar. I will think something in my head, and then you say it. And we finish each other’s sentences. All the time. You’ll say something, deeply spiritual and perfect, and I’ll just want to cry because, in my heart, I was looking for that. On that car ride home from Sister Britt’s house, our conversation made me know I wasn’t alone. I knew, from deep inside me, that someone else felt what I felt. You know my heart.

And I have so many more. More family, friends, teachers, and people I am thankful for. There’s friends and sisters, some new and some old, who have accepted me and welcomed me. My blog could go on forever, with people who God has placed in my life, who have lifted me up and given me hope to keep moving, keep believing, keep growing. 

Tonight, my heart is thankful. So thankful for this beautiful place, these beautiful people.

Looking Beyond What You See (Yet, Kinda Not)

I have decided to look beyond my imperfections and limitations- 

and start looking at that which is beautiful inside of me and around me.

I will strive to see beauty where others see ugly, 

strive to see purpose where others see pointless, 

strive to see hope where others see a lost cause.

My God never gives up on me, so I cannot allow myself to give up on others. 

I cannot let me give up on me.

I thank God for the compassion He’s placed in my heart, for the loud, 

determined thumping when I know I have to bless someone. 

I thank God for my gentle spirit and my quiet ways. 

I thank God for my moments of weirdness and spontaneity. 

I’m thankful for the drive within me to do my very best. 

I’m even thankful for the tough lessons I’ve learned- 

the ones I could’ve only learned through experience. 

Thank you God for the beauty You have placed within me.

I thank you God for the beauty around me- in my family, friends, and workplace. 

Thank you for my preschoolers, whose little, 

hopeful lives have become my place of healing and restoration. 

Thank you God, that I often say nothing and my friends and family know just what I mean. Thank you for patience and support and peace, when all else is shaken.

Thank you, Lord, for warm sweaters, yellow leaves, sunsets and snowflakes. 

Thank you for red square plates, hot chocolate, and umbrellas. 

Thank you for freckles and rainbows and Goldfish crackers.

Thank you God for Your anointing and Your redemption. 

Thank you God, not just for the beauty on the inside, but the beauty all around us. 

Let me see it, God, and may I never forget this thankfulness.

I'm looking beyond what I see directly in front of me. 

But, I'm kinda not. Because the blessings and goodness aren't always visible,

Yet, they kind of are.

Gifts, In Abundance

I wrote this late yesterday/ early this morning:

Today was one of those days. No, not one of those bad days, but one where all the little things that make life beautiful- really stood out.

My day started at 6:06 (I have a weird need to wake up at times like this...) I began to get ready for the little preschoolers’ graduation picnic.

Kids can be tricky at events like this. They either love you or cling to their moms like their lives depend on it. Well, some kids clung. However, I felt loved. I felt like my name was constantly being called. I must’ve hugged nearly every student! I played with my little buddy on the slide and swings. It was bliss. I love those moments when I’m lost in the joy of being absolutely silly and carefree, thinking of absolutely nothing else.

It rained for about 5 minutes or so during the picnic. But not even that could stop me.

I came home with feet covered in dirt. To you this may sound gross, but this reminds me of how hard I played and worked today.

I finished my homework (thank you, online summer class) in about ten minutes. I finished an amazing book called “Kisses From Katie.” I recommend this book to absolutely everyone.

I took a nap. (I never take a nap!)

I had pasta salad, which I’m pretty sure I could eat every day and never get tired of it.

I got ready for the other graduation. I was a little late, which was probably the only downer on the day. If I hadn’t slept so long...

The graduation was beautiful and reminded me so much of my own graduation one year ago. When I think about it, it seems like the year blew by. Yet, I feel like I have learned and grown so much in that one little year. Tonight gave me some perspective.

Perspective, I think, should  make you thankful. I’m thankful for the vision, the clarity, and the chance to grow.

My phone died. I got told I looked tan. (Those never happen to me!)

I drove home in the pouring rain. I stopped for a Slurpee. 

Yes, it was almost 10 p.m.

Yes, I had my Jesus music playing.

The cherry on top is that I found my favorite DVD, The Incredibles, which had been missing for over a year. Of course it was actually on the DVD shelf. 

Of course we watched it. 

Lost, then found. Just like me. 

And here I am, writing down the events of my day at 1:15 in the morning.

There wasn’t anything extraordinary about my day; rather, the ordinary things became beautiful with a fresh perspective. God loves us and wants to be with us. He doesn’t want us to be lost, especially when we’re so close. He knows and cares. He wants to change our perspective.

God, I am so thankful for the gifts- today, and everyday, and for opening my eyes to them. Slowly and surely, I’m learning. I’m learning to trust You, the Father who gives good gifts.