What I'm Not Taking With Me on My Trip

This post has been a long time coming. Even now, it's hard to find the words.

For some reason, fear and faith always get compared.
Fear on one side of the scale, faith on the other.

You hear people say, "Oh, let your faith be bigger than your fear."
And that's great. But, if we're really honest, it's not that easy.

When I think of faith, I think of belief. A belief in something or someone.

When I think of fear, I think of ...

fear of failure
fear of looking weird
fear of being wrong
fear of being alone
fear of being unhappy
fear of losing
fear of heartbreak
fear. of. everything.

I lived fear. I let it tie a leash around me and lead me wherever it wanted to take me.

Here's the thing: All this fear wasn't taking me anywhere I wanted to go. It wasn't taking me anywhere, actually. Only deeper and deeper into it's own pit. Worry. Pride. Anxiety. Doubt. Control. Those things live in the pit too.

I have faith that God really can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can think or imagine and I'm ready to live like it. I believe that He has a life for me that's crazy and awesome and inspiring and all for His glory.

Seriously though, I'm done with the little box, the safety net, the comfort zone. I'm done living like He owes me something or has to work according to my standards and limitations. See, God doesn't owe me anything; rather, he owns me. I live for Him. Faith may be considered a noun, according to the dictionary, but I'm going to think of it more like a verb. Because faith in God moves us into action. 

That's why I'm about to head on a trip to India. Not because God can only use me if I'm in a foreign country, but because He opened the door and said "Go." So I am. And you may not believe me, but for the first time (ever I think) I am not afraid. I have no idea what I'll be doing besides serving and loving and letting Christ be seen in me. And I'm okay with that.

And here's why: Fear is NOT the boss of me. (That needs to be read in the voice of a slightly annoying, but very determined five year old.) I'm not it's pet anymore. I'm not in that pit. 

So I'm all packed for my trip. However, there are a few things I won't be bringing with me.
They're heavy and bulky and awkward and demanding and I'm throwing them away.

 

Ah, that's better. Tough, but much better. Now I can be who I am called to be, do what I am called to do, and live radically for Christ. 

Will I be afraid again? Yeah, probably. But I'll take a deep breath and remember that Christ lives in me and fear is not my boss.