Dear Me: A Letter to a Younger... Me!

Dear younger, awkward-er, self:

You don’t remember this, but Mom told the story to you today, recalling it as if it was yesterday. You were just 4 years old, at a good friend of the family’s house. Her young relatives were there, but they were older than you. They did  NOT want to play with a little four year old. You cried and cried, wanting to know why people acted this way. Mom just told you simply, that if you excluded others, it would make them cry and feel the same. 

You won't look like this forever, I promise!
You'll grow into your ears(a little!) and you'll realize
white stockings just don't work for you.

You do remember being in First Grade, with your favorite teacher, and playing outside by the old tire playground. That girl, nobody wanted her to play, but you saw the look in your teacher’s eyes and felt the thumping in your heart and knew what Jesus wanted you to do. You marched your itty-bitty-First-grade-self over to her, and asked her if she wanted to play. Your friends were a little upset, but they got over it. And you all played together.

Remember when you were eight years old and all you wanted was to help in the Sunday School class for kids with mental disabilities? Remember how your family thought you were kidding?

Well, you weren’t. And the day you turned nine Mom said she’d let you try it. But she HAD to come with you. The kids in that classroom were all older and bigger than you, but it didn’t matter; you had found your spot.

You would join the little circle, as the teacher prayed for the students, and the little boy with Autism, who couldn’t even use the toilet by himself, would put his hand on yours. You would just about cry as you thought, God, you are so in this moment.

Little did you know that God was creating a place in your heart for the people that no one has a place for. 

Little did you know that a decade later, you’d still be loving those children, and preparing yourself to teach them.

Self, I’m looking at your life, and all the events that have happened, and all I keep coming up with, is beauty. Not beauty because you’re perfect and always say the right thing and never get angry (ha, yeah right!), but because God is loving you like He always has. Because God is showing you compassion over and over and over. He’s pouring out His blessings- so many you can’t even count.

You’ll really learn about that compassion business when that preschooler cries for the Nicaragua-girls. You’ll tell this preschooler about the poverty, the no-shoes-no-toys-girls. You’ll see that four-year-old cry, deep and heavy compassion-tears, as her heart is literally broken for children in need. And it’ll break your heart. 

But don’t worry, in the broken heart, the things of self will drain out, and God will fill it, fill it up  with compassion.

You will find yourself amazed.

Please, do not ever stop believing that God is a good God, who cares for you and knows you by name. He has a plan, a job for you that no one else on this earth can do. He is all you need.

Keep serving. Keep loving. 

Keep writing.

And keep reading, you’ll discover some pretty amazing-inspiring books. (Grace For the Good Girl, One Thousand Gifts, and Cold Tangerines- just to name a few!) But more importantly, keep reading HIS Word. 

Keep learning, keep growing. Don’t ever stop. 

You’re never done growing in God.

XO,

A slightly taller, 19 year old version of YOU

Walk the Walk: On a Volcano in Nicaragua

Two roads diverged, not in a yellow wood, but in my spiritual journey. 

There are two paths, it’s really true!

One of these trails is taking you downhill, which doesn’t seem too bad. 

It’s seems like an easy walk on your tired knees. 

You can feel the wind whipping by you as your pace quickens. 

Watch out though! 

If you go too fast, you’ll tumble forward. 

Bruised and broken, you’ll be down in the dumps- both literally and figuratively. 

The other trail is uphill and it’s steep. It looks challenging 

and your chest gets tight just thinking about it. 

Your calves begin to burn as you push onward. 

You probably get tired and feel like stopping. Maybe you’re afraid 

if you stand up too straight, you’ll fall over backwards. And every few steps, 

off to the left or right, are mini-trails. They linger, tempting you to take an easier, 

but less direct course. Exhausted, but strengthened, you reach the top. 

And waiting for you is a breathtaking view.

Can I tell you that it’s the steep path you should be on? 

It’s the way to go, the trail to follow. 

It’s tough and seems more like a curse than a blessing, 

but your reward is waiting on top of that mountain.

It’s a reward that no man can buy or place value on. This gift? 

It’s life, Life everlasting. Peace and assurance. Hope. Trust. 

It’s relaxation in the Consistent Father. It’s blessings. 

It’s love, more deeply than you have ever felt. 

It’s happiness, the ear-to-ear-kind-of-smile. 

It’s jump-up-and-down-joy. 

It’s take-your-sweet-time-patience. 

It’s heaven and it is perfect.

Choose the steep hill, challenges and all, and you’ll find God at the top. 

He’s calling us, saying, “Choose life in Me, my children, and then come home.”

~~~

I wrote those words a few months before my Senior missions trip to Nicaragua. On one of our last days there, we had a “leisure day.” I put that in quotes because my leisure day consisted of hiking up a volcano. 

No, I’m not kidding. And no, I didn’t bring my good sneakers.

Nevertheless, as I’m climbing this steep volcano with a crazy incline, it hit me. I literally stopped walking and felt like I would fall over backwards. I was speechless. God was so funny to open my eyes to this steep-hill-theory and then make me walk the walk.

I laughed aloud. I kept climbing. Calves definitely burning and chest quite tight. However, as I reached the top, the view was indeed spectacular. The group could see lakes and whole cities from where we stood. We saw the beauty and could appreciate it better with our new perspective.

Yup, I took this picture:)

When the time came to walk back down, I was a little fearful. Didn’t I say how going downhill was the dangerous one?!

Some group members held hands, some angled their feet funny, and some fell down. My friend’s sister fell like 4 times. And to make us sound like bigger wimps, local construction workers were carrying (by hand) heavy blocks to be laid as a walkway. They carried these blocks up and down the volcano.

I noticed though, that no one was falling up the volcano. Sounds stupid, right? But when you serve God and are chasing after Him, He has your back. He’s helping you, supporting you, sustaining you. But when you turn your back on Him and deliberately do your own thing, why should God support your sinful actions? Don’t get me wrong, He still loves you and is calling you to return to Him... But if you aren’t for God, then you’re against Him. No one can serve two masters. (Matthew 6:24) I don't want to be against God. So I'm going to climb the steep hill, no matter how hard, for my reward is up there.

I took this one too! So breathtaking...

I lived it. On an old volcano in Nicaragua, I practiced what I preached. It was one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences I ever had. And I’m thankful. I’m thankful that God choose to reveal to us glimpses of His goodness and helps us climb the steep hill.

Be Sneaky

A part of me, much bigger than I had ever thought, likes being sneaky. Now I don’t mean “bad” sneaky, but the kind of sneaky where I do something for someone else, that no one else knows about.

I like seeing that family at my favorite diner who really needs a blessing. You know the ones I’m talking about: They may have three kids, all young, and the parents’ eyes are tired. You can just tell it’s been a rough day and they could use something to uplift their spirit. Open your eyes; you’ll notice these people everywhere. Sometimes they have a family, sometimes they’re in uniform, sometimes they just have lonely eyes, and sometimes it’s all these in one. They’re all around.

Call me old-fashioned or a creeper, it doesn’t matter. I like to sneakily tell my waiter that I’d like to pay for their meal, or a part of it. It’s fun and deeply satisfying to know that after you leave, the waiter will say, “Another customer wanted to pay for your meal. Have a good evening.” The deepest part of my heart is glad to know that the tired, breaking family is going to smile on the way to their car tonight.

So I encourage you to be sneaky every once and awhile. Don’t hesitate to bless someone in secret. If you’re recognized on earth for these deeds, you’ve received reward enough already. But if you’ll be sneaky and patient; your reward will come in Heaven, where everything is better.

Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? 

The place where your treasure is, 

is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

~Matthew 6: 19-21