Desperation

I recognize that Satan has a plan, a plan to bring me down. I know that He will use whatever he can to suffocate me, blocking God’s plan for my life. He may even try to use my own thoughts against me; in fact, he usually uses my thoughts against me.

I sometimes consider myself a loner in the sense that I’m not always sitting with tons of people, gossiping about the latest buzz. I actually prefer to have time to be alone with my thoughts. And God’s presence. 

However, in those moments, it wasn't God's peace I was feeling. It was un-peace and hopelessness;  I wasn't growing. I felt desperate. I felt like I wasn't good enough to be used by God, like I wasn't popular or funny or outgoing enough to fulfill His plan. I felt like no matter how hard I prayed, He didn't hear me!

But I’m done with that now. I’m done with the pity party.

I’m done trying to plan my future on my own. I’m done with the hopelessness and loneliness. I am putting on that garment of praise. I’m lifting up my hands, surrendering my complete self to God.

I’m listening to sermons. I’m reading the Word. I’m only listening to Jesus music.

Why?

Because I’m desperate. Because I’ll do whatever it takes to hear from God. 

Because I NEED to hear from God.

I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.

          ~ Isaiah 61:3 NCV